To all the fine, fine men...

I see some of you struggling and I've decided to give you a little heads up. Here, in no particular order, are 15 pointers that come to mind...



1) If you are more than 5 years younger than us, do NOT start off a conversation by saying, "I got a thing for older women." We get the message loud and clear if you are talking to us.

1.5) If we tell you we believe you are too young for us, please, I beg you, don't say, "Age ain't nuthin' but a numba." You are not Andre 3000...

2) Also under the younger man heading, don't claim maturity over your peers and then say some crap like, "I just saw your pic and couldn't stop think of hammerin' that ass." Point proven...

3) Any and all men: sending us a message like, "Your beauty enhances the light of even the brightest day..." It's quite possible, back when we first got the Internet, way back when, back then, we might have believed the first man who typed this, but trust us, we've heard it or it's cousin or step-brother more times than we care to count. Have the decency to at least make up your own lame ass line.

4) If you want to compliment me, actually have something to say that approaches the truth.

5) "You look sweet in your pictures," makes no damned sense. Someone cannot look sweet. Act sweet, hell even taste sweet, sure. Your eyes don't have taste buds.

6) If you "checked out" my profile, you will see that I have listed a whole lot of information about myself. If you can't take the time to read what I've written, well it surly makes me think you just might be illiterate, or (gasp!) only interested in the physical.

7)"I'm not like ALL men!" True, you aren't like all men, maybe just 99.68%...

8) If you ask me if I cam and I tell you no, don't think you can convince me by offering to do a strip tease for my entertainment.

9) If you check out my pics and notice that I'm fully clothed in all of them, do not comment on my singular body parts. If I'm spread eagle on a bed in boyshorts and a bra, by all means, feel free to comment.

10) If on my profile I've listed many favorite books and ended with "Too many to count. I'm reading constantly; it's my passion!" And under the heading of "favorite books" you've written, "lol, i dn't lk red-in"... uh, yea, probably not a good match...

11) Unless my profile picture has me in a diaper, refrain from calling me "Baby".

12) If my status is listed as "single", don't ask me if I'm married. And then act surprised and say, "wow, how could a woman like you be single?" uhhhh, probably because the eligible partners are just like you... oh sorry, I mean 99.68%...

13) If I say I'm athletic and love participating in sports and the last physical endeavor you have mastered is the one handed pole vault and/or egg toss, yea, let's just leave it there...

14) Don't think you can cajole me into meeting you by claiming my resistance is because I am "afraid" of you. I have a black belt. I teach self-defense. I can kick your ass. The only thing I'm "afraid" of is early onset dementia and swallowing some of the swill you are attempting to sell me.

15) If our skin colors are of a different palette, don't assume or suggest that I don't want to date you because you are "not white"... Idiocy knows no color, no race.



Bonus!

16) If you came across more than 4 words in this diatribe that you didn't know the meaning of (including "diatribe") and you thought it was acceptable to "just skip over them" because you'd still get the overall gist, then you definitely don't want to meet me.

Catcalling the Lioness

Before I moved to Belize, I was never once subjected to whistles, hissing, hey babies, or provided commentary about my physical attributes and actions of such on the street. Now riding my bicycle to work elicits at least one pejorative utterance from the teeming testosterone enhanced masses. Never mind I'm wearing a uniform and school ID. Never mind I'm probably teaching his sons and daughters. No, my crime is being on the street, shamelessly brandishing female secondary and primary sexual characteristics. Sometimes, depending on my mood and the obscenity level of the comment, I'll respond with humor. Once a young man called after me, "Teacha, teacha! I wanna go back da skool!" My immediate response was, "Hmmm, bwai, you wa fail!" We both had a chuckle and went about our days. At other times, the bile rising so quickly to my mouth, I'm surprised I don't vomit at his feet. Take for instance the man I met one Sunday morning walking hand in hand with his primary school aged son and daughter. As he held their hands and passed me, he made sure I knew exactly how and where he'd like to lick me. It's no wonder that many of our young females walk around, head bowed in shame or alternately with a weighty chip on their shoulder, one that drives them to respond with cursing and backchat. Men rarely seem to understand our frustration, citing we should be flattered or even amused. "Don't worry when they're calling. Worry when they stop!" And, "It's one of the pitfalls of being beautiful." It's more like one of the pitfalls of having a vagina, I say. I guess I misspoke earlier because it's really not breasts and pubic hair that set these men off because if it was we'd not see uniformed police officers hissing after uniformed primary school girls. When this is mentioned to some well-meaning and enlightened men, they will admit that the first time their prepubescent daughters described how a man verbally assaulted them on the street, they were angry and disgusted. "I guess becoming a father changes us," they say. Well, hell! Weren't you ALL sons at the inception? As India Arie sang, "When you talk to her, talk to her like you'd want somebody to talk to your mama..." And do we really need to channel Aretha and start demanding our R-E-S-P-E-C-T every time we venture to the corner shop, the bank, the dentist, the daycare, the workplace? Do we have to turn our society into some kind of militant feminist off off Broadway musical just so we can reach our destination unmolested? I remember the first year I attended Sisterhood Camp: one week in Cayo with 50 girls, 8 female staff, 3 female cooks and a male owner and a maintenance man who kept out of the way until suppertime. At one point I realized my usual "walking about" tension was gone. I felt free, relaxed, light. Then I realized, I hadn't been hissed at in 5 long, glorious days. I shouldn't have to exile myself from the co-ed world to feel this peace. I shouldn't have to feel this way at all. She shouldn't have to feel this way. You shouldn't have to feel this way. Guys, we women DO think some of those same things you say. Trust me, we are sexual beings and we see a man sometimes and THINK - "Damn......I'd like to a, b, c...and even z with him..." But that's where it ends. Somehow we have a special thing called self-regulation. Well, maybe it's not really that special. I don't think it's attached to the X chromosome. I'm sure have as much as we do. Use it. Everything you think doesn't have to come immediately spewing from your mouth. Unlike some religious dogma, I don't think lusting in your mind is a sin. Enjoy the visual stimulation without resulting to verbal provocation! If you want to greet us, a "Good morning, Miss." is fine. Most of us even don't mind a "Good morning beautiful/lovely." It's the "baby, sexy, fine piece of ass..." we dislike. When you are out with friends and they make a comment like this, please tell them it's not cool to do that. Also, talk to the women you love and respect. Ask them how that kind of harassment feels. Then listen to them. We can all get along just fine, as long as we respect one another. Remember, every woman is someone's daughter, sister, aunty, granny, and mother... Talk to her like that.

Self-Defense in Belize

CJC Self Defense Club performance at CJC Expo 2010